Bigfoot presence can no longer be ignored

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Arkansas Democrat Gazette

Am I the only one who sees a disturbing pattern here?

It’s obvious that Arkansas is becoming a hotbed of bigfoot sightings and that can only mean one thing — an active sasquatch cell is finally stirring and the Natural State is ground zero.

It’s hardly a wonder. Vast tracts of our sparsely populated state are veritable wildernesses. The only sign of life is the occasional camouflaged turkey hunter or a rusting Deltic Timber sign.

"Sasquatch" is the anglicized derivative of the Salish Indian word "sesquac" meaning "wild, filthy, hairy, stinking man." Bigfoot sightings may have begun in the Pacific Northwest, but they’ve spread across the country in the last 50 years.

You can find out all about the whole phenomenon on the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization (BFRO) Web site, www. bfro.net. The site has everything — maps, documentation, extensive sighting reports and exhaustive evaluations.

The organization (pronounced BEE-fro ) was founded in 1995 with the mission "to resolve the mystery surrounding the bigfoot phenomenon, that is, to derive conclusive documentation of the species’ existence."

The BFROs are believers.

BFRO says it seeks the "collection of empirical data and physical evidence from the field."

Did you catch that? BFRO collects empirical data. That’s the most irrefutable sort. It’s the kind of data such as that provided by Carl "Cooter" Scroggins of Black Diamond in Miller County.

While trapping nutria in the Sulphur River Wildlife Management Area, Scroggins had a close encounter.

"I had the spooky feeling that I was being watched," Scroggins reports on the Web site under Arkansas Sightings. "It made the hackles on the back of my neck stand up."

Photos of Scroggins reveal that he is one of the extreme minority of humans who actually have congenital, vestigial hackles.

Scroggins also reported that his dogs kept whimpering and eventually broke free and disappeared into the swamplands of Mercer Bayou. "I also smelt a real bad stink," he added.

BFRO reports that 10 to 15 percent of all bigfoot encounters are accompanied by an intense, disagreeable stench not unlike the infamous bunga bangkai flower. The origin is thought to emanate from the bigfoot’s axillary organ with its apocrine sweat glands.

Scroggins found tracks and made a plaster cast and submitted the photos to BFRO.

Investigators concluded the bigfoot would wear an impressive size 22 EEEE sneaker and be a mature male approximately 7 feet, 10 inches in height and weighing 680 pounds.

How such a massive creature could remain undetected seems implausible until you consider the location.

Arkansas’ Sulphur/Red River corridor is heavily wooded, crisscrossed by creeks and bayous, and is fearsomely inhospitable to humans.

In fact, only U.S. 71 carries the slender thread of civilization through this forbidding land.

But it’s not only southwest Arkansas where sasquatch seems to be active. Sightings have occurred in 27 Arkansas counties, from Baxter in the north to Union in the south. That there have been five sightings in Saline County should give central Arkansas citizens cause for pause.

One enterprising entrepreneur has opened a Bigfoot convenience store franchise in Fouke to cater to the expected crowd of curious. A bigfoot was allegedly spotted attempting to purchase a Big Slurp there last Tuesday. The stench cleared the store.

Until next time, Kalaka reminds you to report all bigfoot sightings to the Game & Fish Commission. Should sasquatch become a problem, a hunting season will be declared and that should take care of that.